Early Years......................

One thing that always stuck out to me was hearing my father say "that looks like a David to me". I was just born, an early memory that people say is impossible. After all I have seen in this world, nothing could be more impossible. Or even still do we actually believe in that word? Not me says the preacher man! I also remember them (doctors) sewing up my belly button, that hurt let me tell you! the first of 3 hernias in my lifetime. Thats it from that timespan. The next memory was being washed on my grandmothers kitchen table, I don't seem to recall enjoying that either. Is there something there that has effected intimacy for my future years? We'll get to that soon. My early years I refer to them as glimpses, after all, our minds are not fully developed for what I call "linear memory" until much later.  I actually like that term "linear memory" it will have its relevance when I get further in.

Kindergarten and preschool years were strange for me. As a child I was a bed wetter that just wouldn't quit! Initially that brought on a lot of unneeded surgeries' and installments of early childhood fear, that would later create this fear of surgery, ultimately my nemesis.

I recall the first concussion I ever had. I was leaning against what was like cement piping that kids used to crawl through. There were some kids on top of it, I didn't think much of it at the time. Then when I woke up and had seen everybody lined up to go inside, I realized I was hit with a rock on top of the head! Wet pants of course, that was normal for me at the time, even until 7th grade at best for bed wetting. The concussion was mild I would say, compared to the next one. I have one brother who I will mention lightly from time to time. I wont mention names or places so much, but rather facts and truths.

Facts are always different from the truth, because truth has what facts cant see. ( like that one?).

Abuse has always been a puzzling one for me, I have strange memories from time to time, that I have not been able to come clear on. Like babysitters running amuk in the house while mom and dad were out.
To some person telling me to kiss their private parts (male). I don't recall anything happening, none the less it was scary. One of the things that has led me to question sexuality on rare times. Im not gay, nor do I support such lifestyle, nor understand it for that matter. Maybe I do see how it happens to some people though. A place for a disclaimer, if you have an immature mindset, please stop reading. This is for those who want genuine help and insight. I don't have time for childish remarks.

There are real problems people face. If I am as honest as I can bluntly be, someone just might be set free from a hell that they are in. God willing.

Around 9 years old I decided I was going to be like Evil Kenevil, that old stunt guy. I tied a parachute on the back of my banana seat bicycle, went up top the hill. Went down as fast as I can, obviously not thinking of physics at the time, (air is needed for a parachute to work) and I was in front of the air. Went over the handle bars at full speed, waking up at 4 in the morning in a hospital. Face was torn up as bad as Freddy Krueger. Teeth smashed out, IV in the arm, and hungry for food! The nurse wasn't much help for that, as she said breakfast was not until 7 am. I was in second grade at the time of that accident. I have a scar on my hand and on my chin from that adventure. This event led to teeth problems in the distant future. On to the bullying!!!!!!  
    

A simple glimpse

Recently, my life went through a dramatic season of horrific events. Words could only barely put this into perspective for a reader. Hopefully there will be pictures, worth a thousand words or more, and hopefully there will be introspection, more into your own life than mine, as strange as it seems. Im writing this as if I were writing my own book. Im no english major so bear with me. However I do consider myself to be on the intelligent side, and have been able to hang with the best of them. About me, Im a musician of 30 plus years, several records produced, many songs written. A friend to many, a church goer, a believer. A talent that has always been welcomed wherever I am. In other words people love me, and I love people. I don't have this huge knowledge of music theory to challenge the masses, but have always had enough feeling in music that theory was never an issue, at least for me. I hold an associates degree from one of the top audio schools in the country, a course directors recipient, and a good colleague to my classmates. Some of whom I connect with to this day. Currently Im 40 years old at the time of this writing, at the tail end of a year that has shattered me, many around me, a place of brokenness of spiritual proportions. From nightmarish drug reactions, to misdiagnosis, to abandonment, and to what is left of a broken world that was my own. I sing a song of newness of life, a higher calling that I would not ever guess could happen. The clouds of pain have turned to anger against a system, that claims to help people, but in the end only keeps people sick, longer, and in torment. How long will we keep people sick, or say they are, before we come to the heart of the matter? What pain I have gone through to come to this place, a place of vision and direction. This is dedicated to my friend "Sandy" who was always there on any recording occasion, and times of just plain fun, I miss you dearly.  

Preface

Welcome. This is my place where I am going through my own life as best as I can, from every age and every event up to the present. I will say currently I am enrolled at The University (sorry no advertisement) as a psych/mental health major. As a result of all that's happened.